My path out of external control

Did you know that I used to be completely controlled by others?

The worst thing is that I didn't even notice it myself because I had no reference point for what a self-determined life feels like. My parents' toxic relationship and their parenting style "trained" me to be a very sensitive empath and people pleaser. In other words, I sensed my parents' needs before they themselves knew what they needed. I always wanted to make them happy in order to keep the peace at home, because I needed harmony and tranquility to grow up healthy.

That was extremely stressful for me as a small child. Although this stress lessened as I grew older, the pattern in my relationships remained the same. I sought out friends who were more dominant and whom I, as a follower, did not contradict. I felt like I didn't have my own opinion because I was afraid of rejection and put the truth of others, who were louder than me, above my own needs. At the time, I didn't realize that this was codependency. I thought that's just how relationships are. You have to put your needs aside. Others are more important, smarter, and more lovable than me.

Do you perhaps know that feeling yourself?

It was only after I deepened my spiritual practice and underwent therapy that I learned that what I had anchored as beliefs was standing in my way. This form ofexternal controlhad made me a victim, andI suffered long and silently. I remember how the lump in my throat always felt when I was not allowed or unable to express my emotions.All those suppressed tears finally came upwhen I attended myfirst transformative breathing sessionwith my yoga and breathing teacher Max Strom. So much grief came up that I had been carrying around with me all those years. I felt the greatest wound of my life. What my parents could never make room for: myoverwhelm, myhelplessness, myloneliness, myfear of punishment, ofmisunderstanding, ofrejection, and of my parents'withdrawal of love. 

That was my game changer! 

I immediately feltlighter,calmer,moregrounded. Since then, I have attended many more breathing workshops.Breath by breath, I let goof the past and opened myself up to more freedom and more creative power.Insecurities and self-doubt gave way to well-being and a thirst for adventure. My courage to care less about the opinions of others and to try out more things brought manynew talents and visionsto light, as well as dreams of a life that I could shape according to my own ideas. I finally understood thatprioritizingmyself andmy needswas not selfish, but a prerequisite forbeing ina good relationshipwith myself, life, and others. I became more and more grounded in a sense ofauthenticityandself-determination, and daredto speak mytruth more. I was impressed: no talk therapy had managed to accompany me so far in my healing!

How could something as simple as conscious breathing be so healing? 

One day, Max Strom came to Hanover and I offered to show him around the city.I knew this was my moment to ask him if I could work for him. Ididn't just want to train with him, I wanted to work with him. I was really nervous, but at the end of a wonderful day out, I plucked up the courage to make the suggestion andMax said yes right away. Hecalled me the "Princess of Understatement"because he was surprised by me as a person, as I didn't brag much, but I totally impressed him with a really nice tour. And it was true, as a people pleaser, I suffered fromimposter syndromeand always thought I wasn't good enough. But he saw me, and so our collaboration began:for four years, Iwasresponsible for his social media and corporate business and assisted him with public talks, retreats, and workshops around the world. 

Some people smiled at itand asked skeptically if I now had a guru. But I let those opinions roll off me. Because someone who had never had such a transformative experience couldn't understand why I believed so strongly in this work. Others from the yoga scene asked, "Wow, how did you get the job with Max?" My answer: "I followed my heart and just asked." Something that many people don't dare to do.

This somatic work was a big part of my healing journey, and I wanted to learn it, support it, and pass it on to as many people as possible. Because no one should have to suffer like this in the 21st century!That was the beginning of my journey to becoming a breath activist, to self-determination, and to greater freedom. 

Here is a little insight into a realization I noted in my diary in 2016:

I observed how thisbreathing work changed me more and moreand how I daredto share my truthauthentically, even if it might trigger my counterpart or make them unhappy.I no longer distinguished betweenwho was standing in front of me or in what context we met—whether at work or in my private life. A new form of "shamelessness" grew within me, which liberated me to the utmost. Not shameless in the sense of criticism or crossing boundaries, but in the sense ofsincere openness. I realized that I no longer had any reason to pretend, because it costs me too much. It costs me my freedom!And it costs me many opportunities to grow beyond myself, to collaborate, to co-create.

Today, I know that the world needs more people who honestly communicate themselves and their dreams, needs, and truth. This creates new business ideas, friendships, flow, and much more! Are you now asking yourself: 

How many people leave their authenticity at the office door every day? 

How much potential is lost in terms of leading truly successful companies and teams?How many people suppressnot onlyangerandsadness, but also theirjoyanddreams? How many people are unable to truly express their affection for others, even though they would like to? How many people don't dareto ask for help, letalone for their dream job?

Maybe my story speaks to you?I'm sharing all this here to let you know that you are not alone with your wounds and dreams. We areallcollectivelysittingin this boatofoppressionby the patriarchy. Women and men alike are victims of this system, and only a few manage to wake up and break free from it. Because, as harsh as it sounds,this society was not created to promote happy people.

But the good news is:everything can be set in motion with a deep breath.All it really takes is your breath to help you free yourself.Conscious breathing is the gentlest transformative method I have ever known. That's why it's such a big part of my work as a breathing trainer and life coach. Inthe Beyoutiful Coaching Program, we also workholisticallywithbody,mind, andemotions.

Maybe you're now interested in realigning yourself this year? Thensign up for an introductory meeting and secure your place in a circle of 8 women!

I look forward to seeing you!