How does self-love actually work?

Hey you, do you love yourself? Really love yourself?

How does this self-love thing actually work?

Is there a manual for it? Is there a one-size-fits-all solution?

Unfortunately not. And thank goodness.
Because you are as unique as the way you love.

Today, I want to share with you the challenges I encountered during my 4-week digital detox and the exercises that helped me get through it.

In the last two blog posts, I shared with you how I felt at the beginning and after the detox: very liberated. I enjoyed this minimalism and the simple way of life. It was nice, but the silence had an effect on me.

After all, I had isolated myself on several levels: digitally and physically. I was all alone in a small mountain village, where on some days I exchanged no more words than a "Ciao, buongiorno!" with the locals. In other words, in this kind of hermitage —my very own spiritual retreat —I was free from external stimuli, but completely at the mercy of myself. :)

WHEN YOU BECOME THE ONLY SOURCE OF ATTENTION,
YOUR SELF-LOVE WILL BE PUT TO THE TEST.

Surely you've experienced this too, perhaps even during lockdown? Yes, for me it was a kind of self-imposed lockdown to find out what really makes me tick, what touches me deep in my heart, interests me and drives me, far away from all algorithms. Not only did I get back in touch with myself and my heart's desires, but I also saw my shadow sides much more clearly. There was no longerany distraction from "escaping" to my cell phone.

There was a day when I reached a certain low point. I felt alone and uninspired. I really missed people! It is such an important human need that, at least for me, can only arise when I consciously withdraw for a certain period of time. As much as I like to be alone and enjoy my peace and quiet, there is also a part of me that loves and needs company.

Perhaps you have experienced this before with therapeutic fasting? Because food deprivation causes similar withdrawal symptoms. It was one of those fasting days when I felt increasingly empty, increasingly insignificant . Insignificant in a spiritual way. So rather unexcited. Meaninglessly meaningful. Do you know that feeling too?

My mind didn't like the idea at all. It wanted to take control, wanted to know what was happening here and break out of the silence. But I stayed, despite all my efforts, and surrendered, gave myself over.

BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY THE INVITATION TO EVEN MORE SELF-LOVE!

It was incredible! I thought I was just doing a fasting challenge, but then I ended up back at the topic of self-love! Fasting is the perfect reminder that it's always about you! Not in a selfish way, but in the sense that everything in life depends on you! On your mood, your openness, your abilityto always get back up when you fall .

It's about learning to truly love yourself, in every situation, in every state of being. Enduring yourself is never fun, and yet you must learn to hold yourself, especially in moments of deepest longing for connection, and pull yourself out of the depths. "That is true mastery,", as my teacher Tsakpo Rinpoche repeatedly emphasizes, whose words are a source of support for me in such moments.

This uncertainty, which was certainly also influenced by PMS , made me question EVERYTHING in my life. Maybe you know this feeling from yourself or (if you are a man) from other women, when hormones turn your life upside down once a month. Even though I couldn't see a way out right away, I knew there was always that one moment that would determine my future: NOW... AND NOW... AND NOW. I was forced to turn to myself in the HERE & NOW and ask myself the most important and simplest of all questions over and over again.

Here's a question I'd like to give you to use in your own processes because it works so well:

What do I need now?

And this question automatically leads you to check in with yourself and explore what you are feeling right now. It is a surrender to the moment and a turning toward yourself. Be completely honest with yourself here. Don't fool yourself, but don't beat yourself up either! Try to develop mindfulness and self-compassion for your process. Because yes, sometimes it's just not easy being human.

STOP BEING HARD ON YOURSELF—THAT'S TRUE LOVE!

Answering this question honestly and acting on it, i.e., fulfilling these needs or simply listening to yourself when it's difficult, is what I call personal responsibility. Self-love means taking 100% responsibility for yourself and your feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. When I did that, I felt seen, held, and guided again. Inspiration returned, along with solutions, creativity, and joy in the process. It was a time that naturally and intuitively led me to a new self-care practice . One that did me good at exactly the right time. From moment to moment and day to day.

HOW CAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF EVEN MORE?

Whether you're doing the fasting challenge or not, if you're feeling the same way or just want to focus more on yourself, I hope you have fun exploring this one simple question. You can ask it silently in the morning to plan your day, or spontaneously whenever you notice that you're stressed or feeling off-balance. "What do you need right now, my heart?" Be curious about the answers and learn to make healthier decisions for your life. Please feel free to share with me how you best get out of your comfort zone and enjoy the ride :)

My next post will be the last part of the digital detox experience. In it, I'll share how you can really rock your life with self-determination!